How To Lose the Girl
by Pocket Full of Pens
Summary: After dating the crazed fangirl for a few weeks, Chuck tries to let her down easy. And by let her down easy, he means invite her over for dinner with his family and let it sort itself out. Rated for swearing.


**AN: Hey you guys! Here's a new story (finally one that's just SPN) to celebrate the end of finals for me. It's not actually new, though. I wrote it sometime before Thanksgiving last year but whatever. Anyway, I don't know where this idea came from, but I actually like the way it came out (I was a while ago at least) and I need to remember that fluff exists after all the crap that went on in S10. So... yeah. Also, I've added Destiel because a) it's my SPN OTP and b) I've never written it into anything before this. My apologies for my rant, now onward with the story.**

Chuck had been dating Becky for a week when he had figured out how annoying she could be.

Becky was a fangirl, a quickly growing species that was known for being very irritating and persistent. Even fangirls knew this, it was just a generally accepted concept.

What really bothered Chuck was what Becky would fangirl _over_. All she ever wanted to talk about was some book series called "Supernatural" by some weird-ass author called Carver Edlund. Chuck had actually read the series and, while he enjoyed the books, found the whole thing to be a bit melodramatic. But he'd never tell Becky that. He didn't want to die at the hands of his deranged girlfriend.

But was Chuck going to dump her over something as small as her overwhelming, life consuming obsession with a book series about monster hunters that died a lot? No.

He was going to invite her over for dinner with his family.

At four o' clock, Chuck saw Becky's car pulling up in front of his family's large house. He sighed, did he really want to subject her to the madness of his cousins and uncles? Chuck sighed as he watched his cousin Anna walk through the entryway while complaining loudly to their other cousin Balthazar about something or other. Another one of his cousins, Ruby, passed by screaming, "MOM! Lilith got blood all over her dress again!"

But then he glanced out the window and saw Becky emerge from the car. She was wearing a _Supernatural_ T-shirt picturing one of the book covers. It was all shirtless guys and long hair and dramatic expressions.

Yes, Chuck could bear introducing Becky to his family. She deserved to know them.

Becky stepped out of her car, walking up the steps to Chuck's front door. Chuck watched as she approached the building, and an old, beaten up car pulled into the driveway. She didn't acknowledge it as she rang the doorbell and Chuck opened the door.

Becky hadn't even greeted her boyfriend before a blonde girl darted out, past the two without even acknowledging their existence. This girl carried a book bag and looked to be, at most, a year younger than Becky herself.

The girl grinned as she turned around and called over her shoulder, past Chuck to a red-haired girl in the foyer, "Charlie, need a ride?"

The red-head, Charlie, nodded and called back, "Sure, let me get my stuff." She then ran up the staircase and into a room on the second floor.

From the beaten up car emerged a man in plaid with a rather impressive mullet. He waved up at the blonde girl who shouted, "Just a sec, Ash! Charlie's comin' with us!"

"Jo, your mama's gonna be mad if we're late again," replied the man, though he didn't look to be in much of a hurry.

The girl, Jo, rolled her eyes and shouted in return, "Last time we were late was 'cause you needed beer, dumb-ass!"

Chuck smiled awkwardly at Becky as Charlie ran back out of the house, nearly knocking him over. The boy was about to get Charlie's attention when the girl suddenly turned around and asked, "Is this your girlfriend?"

"Yes," Becky answered for him. "Are you Chuck's cousin?"

"Nah, Jo and I were hanging out with Cas," Charlie replied easily, as if that explained everything.

"Who's Ca-" Becky began, only to be cut off by Jo, shouting at Ash again.

"Oh, you're only on Mom's side 'cause she's been threatening you again!"

Ash scoffed, "No, she's just promised me that she'd quit goin' through my internet history!"

"Maybe it wouldn't be such a big deal if you didn't try to hack everything you can think of while you're _at our house_!" Jo shouted, the words scathing but her tone still relatively easygoing. She then turned around, grabbed Charlie's wrist and with a quick, "Bye, Chuck," left.

As Charlie climbed into the back seat of Ash's car, she called out to Chuck, "Warn her about Dean and Cas!"

With that, the car pulled away, the first of many strange encounters Becky would experience that evening.

"Who're Cas and Dean?" Becky asked as Chuck let her into his family's home. She looked around at the huge entryway, amazed by the size of the structure.

"Castiel's my cousin and Dean's his… um," Chuck swallowed, "boyfriend. They've been dating for a couple of weeks."

"That's great," Becky replied with a smile. Chuck recalled that Becky liked slash. A lot. She'd probably absolutely love seeing Castiel and Dean. Well, that was better than her "OTP," which was also an incest pairing. Ew. Why did he even know this?

"Well, you haven't seen them-" Chuck started, but was cut off by a loud shriek.

Chuck looked up the stairs, where she could see a blonde girl, about eleven years old, standing in front of the open door to the room Charlie had been in earlier. The girl threw her arm over her eyes and said quickly, "Sorry, Castiel!"

As she took off down the stairs, a dark-haired teenager wearing a trench coat and looking slightly disheveled stuck his head around the door frame. "Wait, Rachel!" he shouted after the girl who was almost out of earshot.

Out of the room also emerged a slightly taller teenage boy who looked to be in a similar state to the first. "Cas!" he shouted as the first boy took off after his cousin.

Chuck sighed as Rachel ran back past him, followed closely by an apologizing Castiel. As he passed the stairs, Castiel shouted to the other boy, "Just a second, Dean!"

Rachel was stopped by a young red-headed woman who looked to be around eighteen. She glared up at Dean, then at Castiel. "What the hell were you doing?"

"Dean, obviously," laughed Chuck's blonde, fifteen-year-old cousin. "You two really oughta lock the door!"

"We were _kissing_ , Ruby," replied Dean with a scowl. Ruby shook her head and smirked.

"If that's what you wanna call it."

Rachel broke free of Anna's grip and ran back off. Castiel sighed and trudged back up the stairs. Dean yelled at Ruby. Ruby rolled her eyes and ran off as well.

Becky smiled awkwardly, "Does this happen often?"

"Every day."

"Here's the living room," Chuck said as he lead Becky through the house. On the couch sat a blonde, fourteen-year-old boy, a seven-year-old girl who was also blonde, and an African-American boy who was seventeen. They all stared at the TV, which showed a red-haired woman in a short skirt and a man in a bow-tie running from God-knows-what.

"That's Balthazar, Lilith Jr., and Uriel," Chuck introduced the three. None of them seemed to notice their cousin or his girlfriend.

"What are they watching?" asked Becky as a dumb looking robot started shooting people on the screen.

Chuck sighed as Lilith let loose a laugh. "Doctor Who, it's the only show they can agree on. Balthazar like's because it's British and the girls are hot. Uriel likes the fight scenes and destruction. Lilith laughs when people die."

"Sounds nice," Becky said uncertainly.

As Chuck was preparing to "explain" his family's strangeness, in slid his uncle. He was all brown hair, fake mustache, and striped socks, a lollipop in his mouth and a grin across his face. He shouted, "Who wants to help Uncle Gabriel cook dinner?"

"Can we make sushi?" asked Balthazar. Becky looked confused as she must have picked up that he was British.

Whispering to Chuck, she asked, "How exactly are you all related?" Chuck shrugged.

"Hells yes!" cried Gabriel with a grin. He tossed Balthazar a lollipop and ran toward the staircase that led up to the bedrooms. "Cassie! Dean-o! You want to help make dinner?"

A voice, probably Dean's, shouted back, "We're busy!"

"I bet you are!" yelled Ruby, who had just turned the corner. "Don't let Meg catch you, it'll make her mad!"

From the other side of the door, Dean shouted something about homework and how Ruby ought to piss off.

"Mutton heads!" Gabriel shouted and ran back into the living room.

Ruby rolled her eyes, sliding down the banister of the stairs. She walked into the living room and asked Lilith, "Where's Mom?"

"Out back with Uncle Crowley," replied Lilith in an overly cheerful tone accompanied by an unnerving smile. "Probably feeding the dogs again."

Ruby shook her head, walking past the couch and out of the living room. As she made her way to the back door muttering something about those "Damn hellhounds."

"Chuck!" shouted uncle Gabriel, running over to the boy and putting a chef's hat on his head. "You and your girlfriend can help us!"

He dragged them off without giving them time to decline.

Gabriel and Balthazar ran around the kitchen, piecing together some sushi and over-salting most of the food they were preparing. Chuck had since lost track of what they had been making, he'd never been good with food anyway.

All was fine and dandy (even Becky was in a decent mood) until Gabriel realized that something - Chuck didn't even know what - had been in the freezer the whole time, despite Gabriel's precautions to keep it out to thaw.

"Balthazar, who was the last person in here?" asked the rather short man.

The British boy shrugged, "Uncle Luce, I guess?"

"Sounds like something he'd do; now we can't have any chicken with dinner!" Gabriel groaned and kicked the counter. He ripped off his fake mustache in frustration, only to yelp at the sudden pain. "Your Uncle Luce is a great big bag of dicks!"

Becky snorted at Chuck's uncle's oh-so eloquent remark. Balthazar just smiled in agreement.

"What am I supposed to do now?" asked Chuck's flustered uncle.

Becky, wanting to help, suggested, "Maybe you could just serve a lot of fruit and stuff."

Gabriel shrugged. "Gonna have to do."

With that, Gabriel ran about the kitchen, making a very balanced dinner of strawberries, pasta salad, mashed potatoes, the sushi Balthazar had made, and whatever else he could find in the kitchen. Chuck sighed and ushered Becky out of the kitchen to continue the tour.

Getting a brilliant idea, Chuck decided to introduce Becky to his Aunt Lilith, Uncle Luce and their friends. The pair found them back behind the house, watching Lilith's friend Crowley's giant dogs chase one another around the backyard.

"Everyone, I'd like you to meet my girlfriend Becky," Chuck announced.

Immediately, six pairs of eyes rested on the two teenagers.

"Nice to meet you, dear," said Lilith sweetly. "I'm Chuck's Aunt Lilith and that's my husband Luce." With her second sentence, she motioned to the tall, blonde man standing beside her.

"Crowley," the short, British man with a receding hairline introduced himself.

"I'm Alistair," said another, much taller man. He, like Luce, had turned his attention back to the dogs.

"My name's Azazel and this is my daughter Meg," said the last man, motioning to the teenage girl standing beside him. She had a round face, dark hair, pale skin, and looked extremely bored.

"Um, nice to meet you," Becky said as politely as she could muster. "What are the dogs here for?"

"Not much right now, but we are planning on training them to help us track down a woman named Bela Talbot," said Lilith. "She made a deal with us and now she needs to uphold her end. She's on the run but with these boys, we can find her."

Becky smiled nervously. Chuck couldn't blame her, these 'hellhounds' scared the hell out of him.

Just as things were getting awkward, Chuck's Uncle Zachariah came out to announce that Gabriel had, somehow, finished making dinner. Zachariah was bald and probably had really high blood pressure. He was definitely not Chuck's favorite uncle. He wasn't _anyone's_ favorite uncle.

Chuck and Becky walked back into the house, followed slowly by the rest of the people that had been outside.

"Your friends staying?" Zachariah asked Luce, who nodded with a smirk. Chuck smiled to himself, Becky would _love_ this family meal.

The dining room was a long room, indeed. The main table was on the far end of the room, several other tables pushed against it to make space for everyone.

Surprisingly, a lot of the table had already been filled. At the head of the table sat Michael, the head of the family. To his left sat Chuck's Aunt Raphael; to her left was a space for Gabriel to sit once he'd gotten all of the food he'd prepared to the table. Next came Balthazar, then Anna, and Rachel. Castiel sat beside Dean, staring into his eyes as he often did.

On the other side of the table, on Michael's right, were spaces soon filled by Luce, then Lilith Senior, followed by Lilith Jr. Beside her sat Ruby, who looked pissed off with Meg, who sat on Ruby's other side. Azazel sat beside his daughter, followed by Alistair and Crowley. Uriel sat beside him, looking uncomfortable with the fact that he was sitting beside the owner of the huge dogs. At the end opposite of the table from Michael was Zachariah, as constipated looking as ever.

Chuck pulled out the seat beside Dean for Becky to sit in. He then took the seat between her and Zachariah. Gabriel sat down the last tray of sushi and sat down…

All hell broke loose.

The family used to say Grace before dinner, until Luce and Azazel had objected. Michael had stopped the tradition reluctantly, out of 'respect' for his brother. Chuck wondered if that would have stopped the chaos.

Probably not.

Balthazar and Lilith Jr., who sat across from one another, lunged for a plate of sushi. They spilled food all over the table and got red punch all down the front of Lilith's little pink dress. Lilith Sr. got into a fight with Gabriel over some food Chuck couldn't even see as Balthazar had since dragged Lilith Jr. onto the table. Luce took his wife's side, and, instead of trying to break up the fight, Michael simply picked his plate up off of the table so it wouldn't get broken.

Castiel picked up a burger, God knows how Gabriel had managed to make hamburgers, and began to eat it thoughtfully. Dean obviously thought this was cute, which seemed to piss Meg off. She was Castiel's ex, after all. She waited until Dean was looking at her, then flipped him off.

Crowley stood up on his chair, trying to reach some cheese. Azazel, who found this amusing, pulled on the shorter man's arm, causing him to fall onto Alistair. The three ended up in a fist fight, spilling food all over the table, floor, and Uriel. Zachariah tried to break up the fight, only to get nailed in the face and knocked clean over.

Ruby picked up a roll and tossed it into the air, only to have it land on Anna. Ruby laughed evilly. The redhead looked up from her meal and, with a disgusted look at Ruby, dumped her salad over the blonde's head. Ruby shrieked, throwing a handful of Meg's food at Anna. She missed and, rather, hit poor Rachel in the eye.

Meg hadn't even noticed that a chunk of her food had been hurled at the people across the table from her. She was more occupied with the fact that, to retaliate for flipping him off, Dean had kissed Castiel on the mouth. Since then, it seemed that it had developed into a full-out game of tonsil hockey. Castiel's burger fell onto the floor, completely forgotten.

Down at the other end of the table, Luce and Lilith Sr. were still fighting with Gabriel. It got even worse as Luce idly played with a fork on the table. He flipped the fork over especially hard, watching it fly across the table and hitting Raphael between the eyes. His sister jumped out of her seat, throwing the fork back at the man and shouting, though it could barely be heard due to the already chaotic circumstances.

Becky hesitantly reached for a celery stick, only to have it snatched up by Alistair, who shoved up Zachariah's nose. He fell over backwards, onto Uriel who kicked Chuck in the knee. Uriel joined the fight, though it seemed that there wasn't much need. Azazel had Crowley pinned to the floor, the short man kicking the air and cussing like a trucker.

Meg had reached some sort of breaking point, she took a fistful of mashed potatoes and, throwing herself across the table, shoved them down the back of Dean's shirt. Pushing Castiel away from him, Dean picked up the closest item he could find and hurled it at Meg's face. Unfortunately, the first object Dean found was Becky's plate full of whatever food hadn't been ruined yet. On the bright side, however, it hit its mark.

After being punched in the face by Lilith Jr., Balthazar decided that lurking under the table was a good idea. He grabbed Rachel's ankles, causing her to scream and flip backwards in her chair. As Rachel flailed for something to hold onto, she caught a handful of Anna's hair and dragged her down, too. Balthazar also grabbed Ruby's leg, only to be kicked in the face. In an attempt to get away, he hit his head on the table, making everyone's plates jump.

Michael, who had miraculously finished most of his meal, seemed to finally notice Chuck and Becky. Standing up, he said very loudly, "Stop!"

Immediately, the various fights halted.

Luce had a cut on his cheek from Raphael's fork. Gabriel had sushi shoved into his hair, thanks to Lilith Sr. Lilith Jr. looked like she had blood on her dress, while Balthazar nursed a growing bump on his head. Ruby had salad dressing running down her cheek and Anna and Rachel sat in the floor. Meg had food all over her shirt and hair. Azazel and Alistair still had Crowley pinned to the floor, only now Crowley had carrots in his nose and ears, gravy smeared across his forehead to look like a unibrow. Castiel had ketchup on his white shirt, like undried blood; he tried to help Dean get the mashed potatoes out of his shirt. Uriel had butter all over his face. Zachariah lay in the floor, looking a bit dead, though nobody seemed concerned. Chuck had some salad dressing in his hair and Meg seemed to have gotten some mashed potatoes on Becky.

All eyes turned to Michael.

"You all have been fighting like animals," the man said, demanding attention. "Can't you see that Chuck has invited his girlfriend over?"

"I think-" began Crowley, only to have his mouth filled with a particularly large piece of sushi.

"Chuck has had a guest this whole time and none of you thought to make a good impression. Can't you tell she's been traumatized? You should all be ashamed of yourselves!"

Most of the people at the table and surrounding area hung their heads. Chuck couldn't decide if this was endearing or infuriating, he loved his family in some strange way but still he had thought that this would have turned Becky away.

"Now," Michael said, "what's your name, dear?"

"B-Becky," Becky stuttered with a weak smile.

"Nice to meet you, Becky," Michael continued. "I apologize for the mess our family has made."

With a thankful smile, Becky said simply, "It's okay."

"Good," replied Michael. "Now, does anyone else have anything else to say?"

Gabriel stood up, bits of sushi falling out of his hair, and bellowed, "WHO WANTS DESSERT?"

All hell broke loose.

Again.

After dinner, Becky stood outside of the front door. Chuck tried to wipe some of the pie off of Becky's shoulder, only rubbing it deeper into her t-shirt.

Chuck smiled in mock-apology. "I'm really sorry, Becky. If you want to break up with me, I totally understand."

"It's okay," Becky replied, her tone all too understanding. "Everybody's family can get weird, you didn't know they'd do that."

Chuck took a deep breath. "Well, they do that all the time, actually. I don't think you'd wanna see them again."

"I can tolerate it," Becky replied. "They're actually kinda nice."

She still wasn't breaking up with him. Chuck was getting desperate. "But Dean and Cas are really bad with PDA and Lilith likes killing stuff and Uncle Gabriel eats candy like non-stop and-"

"Chuck!" Becky cut off his rant. "Your family's great! It sound like you're trying to make them sound bad!"

"Uh…"

Becky made a face. "You weren't trying to put me off, were you?"

"Um… no." Chuck was in trouble now.

"Do you not like me anymore or something?" Becky asked in what was definitely an outside voice.

Chuck struggled for an answer. "Well, um…"

"You don't, do you?" Becky was getting louder. Chuck was scared.

"Uh… maybe?"

Becky scoffed and turned to go. She had almost reached her car when she turned and shouted, "It wouldn't work out anyway! My dream guy is six-foot four!"

Those were her and Chuck's parting words. Becky drove away in her little car, not even noticing that someone - maybe Balthazar - had written "Ruby's Bitch" in the dust on the back windshield.

Chuck blinked. She was gone; Becky was gone.

Chuck was so relieved, he broke out into hysterical laughter. His laughs drifted through the open front door and alarmed his still food-coated family. He laughed until tears clouded his sight.

He laughed until he fell off the porch.

And, since his life was just absurdly bizarre, Chuck just kept laughing.

 **AN: Whohoo! I turned out something I like that's not angst-ridden. Anyway, yeah. Don't question the family** **lineage, after a while I just said 'screw it let it be a mess' because I didn't start even remotely planning my stories until like last week. And sorry for talking about sushi so much, I don't have any explanation for that. Thanks for reading!**

 **Also, some shameless self-advertising, I've gotta Tumblr now (link's on my profile) and I'm so lonely without even a single follower. You don't have to check it out though, since I'm mostly posting Les Mis stuff as of late. Oh, God, I'm more of a noob than Marius freaking Pontmercy.**


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